Yellow Brick Road
by IsisMoon9
Summary: Sam considers her roads SJ


Note- I know she gave Pete the ring back in Threads, but bit of poetic license here, she kept it. (just for anner87 lol)

Yellow Brick Road

We buried dad today. It was agreed a long time ago he didn't want a fuss, just to be buried and for everyone to get on with things. We all had enough to respect for him to follow his wishes. The guys dropped me off and left, at my request. Now as I sit here I think, of which I'm now converted to the General's opinion that I do FAR too much. My mind wanders to what is and what could have been if things had been different, and the fact I wouldn't be alone now if things were different. Pete, although he wasn't what or who I wanted was at least someone, as callous as that is to say. Janet's gone, my team is slowly changing and everything's slipping away from me like a landslide.

I look at my engagement ring on the glass table in front of me, realising just how much it's taken away from me. Once I got engaged I saw little if anything of the guys outside of work and then there's the General. I always thought he'd be my one constant, even if he was the only thing I wanted and couldn't have and, more importantly now, felt the same. My engagement pulled us apart so fast you could almost hear the ties we had to each other snapping. I thought that maybe one day I could come to love Pete like I did, well, do, Jack. For a "natural resource" I was so having a dense day. But it's all over now. He's got someone and I've just got rid of the one person who could probably put up with me. At least I still have work.

As I come to my senses at the thought of work I feel tears slipping down my face. Weeping not just for dad but in self pity for all the things he wanted for me and that I wanted for myself that I've now messed up. I wished I could just call the general, just to hear his voice, but I couldn't bear to hear her picking up his phone at this point in time. I don't call or go over or any of the things my foolish heart is screaming at me to do. Instead I do what I do best. Gather my things and head for work. Leaving yet more in another nameless room.

The base is quiet when I arrive; thankful for the lack of familiar faces expressing their sympathies to me yet again I head for not my lab but the gate room. It's the one place I have to go when I feel so empty. It reminds me not so subtly what I seem to have thrown my life away for.

Opening the blast door and locking it behind me I make my way to the wall opposite the stargate. As I stare at it I slide down the wall feeling all the memories that I have of the people I've loved and lost well up inside. I hold back my tears as much as I can. Martouf died here, Jack agreed to take the symbiote that almost killed him here, dad started and ended his new life here, Janet died because she went through this and Daniel has died and come back not so far from here, so have I. my head drops to my hands unconsciously, desperately trying to keep it all bottled in as I have done for so long. I wonder if I've finally reached my breaking point. Composing myself I stare in a trance at the floor, deciding what to do.

Lost in thought I missed the opening of the blast door to my right and the soft footfalls. As soon as I'm aware of the presence beside me my shoes become the most fascinating thing since my first naqueda generator. With resolve I close my eyes, having decided what needed to be done. Opening them I look him straight in the eyes.

Taken aback by my sudden eye contact he stares out to the stargate. I can tell by the slight crease of his brow he's trying to figure out what to say to me. I take a deep breath knowing that what I need to say needs to be said quickly or I'll back out.

"I'm leaving." There, it's out in the open. His gaze suddenly swings to me. I can almost hear the cogs turning in his head. That's definitely one look of many that I'll miss.

"Why?" his voice is small and almost childlike.

"Because, I'm not sure I can do this anymore. I've lost and left things behind for almost 10 years now and I think its time that I got away, stopped running and settled down. Plus my place just isn't here any more." I spoke to him like a dutiful 2IC, just what he wanted me to be. I can't stop the resentment and bitterness from surfacing.

At that I get up. Standing square and as confidently as I can manage. "You'll have my official resignation on your desk within the hour sir." It registered vaguely that the sir came out a hell of a lot sharper than I intended but at this point I really don't care. I love my job but I just don't feel at home here anymore. He just sits there, I almost feel like poking him with my shoe, just to get a response. He visibly bristles and stands, squaring up to me.

"That's not an acceptable reason in my opinion, Major. And I'm sure the president will agree so don't get too excited and start packing your bags yet." I can see the confusion glance across his face. His response has caught me off guard, with things the way they are I honestly thought he'd be glad to get rid of me. He takes a step closer and I have to stop myself from backing away or closing up the distance between us completely. "Now tell me why really Carter." The military voice is dropped and he speaks my name so softly it's almost inaudible. The way he used to talk to me.

"I told you sir, I just don't belong here anymore." I can't help but almost blurt it all out when he speaks to me like that. "I don't have anything left here anymore." Hoping he hadn't heard I start to back away towards the door. I turn away from him and I have to force my feet to walk away from him.

"You know Sam; you have a lot left here." The use of my first name got my attention and the emphasis on here made me turn. Not even needing to ask him to explain I just look at him and his head drops. It crosses my mind that he knows the real reason I'm leaving is him and that I can't just look at him every day without wanting more. Once again he closes the gap between us. Our constant tango, closer and further away, over and over we do this dance. "What did you come to tell me at my house the other day?"

"I doesn't matter." I answered that way too quickly but I know I wouldn't have fooled him any way I said it.

"Kerry broke up with me Sam," before I could reply he held up his hand, quieting me, "she saw something that I thought couldn't still exist after all this time." He paused, shuffling his feet, unsure of what to say next. I could have dived in and saved him but it was now or never, I needed an explanation. After what seemed an eternal pause he started to speak again "she saw that the potential for us was something she couldn't compete with, she couldn't compete with you…… now, if you really have nothing left here and want to leave I'll let you go and you can walk away right now, but you will always, always have a place here. In every way." At that he looked me in the eyes and the emotions there almost broke me.

"But what's really here for me? I still go home to nothing. I need more, and after everything with Pete I don't blame you moving on. It showed me what I could have had if I wasn't here. If we had just met, no stargate, no ranks, no military." It just blurted out. The shock on his face was almost amusing.

"Whatever you want is here Sam, I accepted the post of civilian commander of the SGC; actually Kerry set it up for me, an hour ago. Now, we can give this a go or we can keep on down this yellow brick road, dancing around each other." He smiled at his own use of OZ references, "it's up to you now. You can walk away no harm done, or you can stay and see where it, us, goes."

Slowly I looked up at him, wondering if this was all real or some sick joke fate was playing on my warped imagination. I stood there just staring at him until he asked me again for my answer. Tentatively I took his hand in mine and grinned up at him. His smile, reserved only for him. Knowing his question was answered he pulled me to him in an embrace, not one of comfort or reserved for friends, one filled with love. I felt him exhale deeply and pulled away. All I ever needed to know was laid out before me in his eyes. He pulled me closer, kissing me tentatively at first, and then deepening the kiss. As we pulled apart for air from the most explosive kiss I have ever had the pleasure of being on the other end of I began to giggle. He looked at me self consciously. "You know, I think we must be the only ones who didn't see this coming. Pete knew, so did Dad." Jack simply grinned and pulled her closer.

"I think we've arrived in OZ Dorothy."


End file.
